Are We Losing Our Ability To Listen?

In an increasingly loud world voices, headlines, media and even strategic noises seem to compete for our attention.  The competition (naturally) gives rise to more creative approaches to capture a target's ear.  And in the process there is plenty of reason to wonder whether anything is actually being heard.

In this short video presentation, sound expert Julian Treasure suggests we are "losing our listening."  But stick with him; the payoff is five ways to re-tune your ears for conscious listening -- to other people and the world around you.

It's worth the listen.

A Requiem For Relationships

There is no shortage of information and advice on relationships.  What it takes to make them work, fix them when they’re broken, build them, nurture them, leverage them. Counselors, coaches, philosophers, and theologians, all have devoted volumes to the subject.

Seldom will anyone whisper, let alone proclaim the truth: relationships don’t work.

I know -- the initial reaction is to vehemently deny this, and label the idea as the voice of pessimism, if not sheer heresy. This was certainly the response I clung to when first presented with compelling evidence to the contrary. But consider the evidence for a moment. Pick the arena -- from the closest of personal, to casual or social, to the heart of the professional marketplace -- relationships call for an unselfish perspective.

And how’s that worked for most of us? We are, across the spectrum, most often “in it to win.” The idea of being unselfish seems counter to everything that matters. Oh sure, best intentions define the early stages of the relationships we deem important -- at the personal and business level. But, when in the course of normal events, competing interests surface -- ah, there is the rub!

Of course, some of these “competing” instances are little more than trivial bouts born of (to be charitable) unique perspectives. If the relationship is important enough, at least one party finds a way to defer. But when these interests are seeded in a value system, or -- often more devastating -- a profit margin -- compromise, let alone deference becomes exponentially more difficult.

In these moments, whether with a significant other, a once-valued business partner, or a former key client, the instinct to win...to protect position...to self preserve takes over. And relationships tear. Or break. Or shatter.

Wow! That is gloom and doom...right?

Not so fast. What if a relationship constitutes the ultimate counter-intuitive? What if the foundation for a successful relationship is in knowing that, left to the normal course of things, relationships don’t work?

This, of course, is not a new idea. “For it is in giving that we receive.”

When marketers and strategists tap into this dynamic, the market tends to change. This is, after all, the principle at the heart of all the talk about listening, dialogue, and (we need a new term for this) customer satisfaction. This is not to imply that business relationships or the nurture of personal networks is ever easy, or that there exists a quick fix; but watch what happens when enterprise seeks a way to give something back...even in the smallest of increments.

At the personal level, all I know is that the most cherished relationships I have are the byproducts of forgiveness, charity and immeasurable unselfishness on the part of others. For these, I am most thankful.

And on a day when many celebrate a new beginning, whatever your faith, and however you choose to view the tremendous possibility, I am grateful that the impossible is possible. Relationships can -- indeed, do work.

Beyond Connections, to Building Relationships

It is news to no one that when it comes to marketing (especially in the professional services arena) relationships trump everything.

A challenge in the pursuit of this asset is to recognize the difference between connections and relationships. (Or, for that matter, the difference between followers and relationships.)

At the risk of oversimplifying, establishing connections is relatively easy.  Building and nurturing relationships is not.

Networking events can yield scores, even hundreds of business cards.  Devote the time, and it is possible to connect with thousands via social platforms like Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn.  Add a budget to the equation and it is possible to grow a contact list exponentially.

And while making contact is where it begins, a connection does not constitute a relationship.  Relating with an individual or a company (sorry about this) almost always requires two things – dialogue and shared experience. And this, for many, is where it gets tricky.

If we misunderstand what constitutes dialogue, we’re in for a long, winding, and likely frustrating journey.

We’ve long acknowledged the fact that communication is critical to building and nurturing relationships. The problem -- or at least part of the problem -- comes in the way marketing communication is typically defined. Most of the time we act as though communication is a one-way street. The result is the creation of entire web sites, advertising campaigns, and collateral communication materials that, with varying degrees of effectiveness, begin and end with telling a story.

Even when the story is compelling and well told, there is a problem: the real strength in a relationship is derived more from listening than from the delivery of a message.  In fact, when it comes to nurturing a relationship, Listening may be the single most powerful and most under-utilized communication tool there is.

Time for a pause long enough to re-think that last sentence.

We all know this. We experience it every day with family, friends and in the workplace.

The more time I spend listening to those with whom I most want relationship, the closer I get to something made from fabric that transcends a satisfied customer and approaches a loyal (read “Something that will last”) friend... or even fan.

(And at the risk of pointing out the obvious – what holds true in business and marketing is doubly true with respect to personal relationships.)

For years the sophisticated marketing organization has invested in research and business intelligence in an effort to identify needs, test products and understand what will prompt the market to buy. But a process where a service provider or company makes calculated investnents in dialogue – in listening to the target market’s story -- that has been rare. 

But times, they are changing.

The so-called (and ill-named) social media afford every organization a way to listen to its market. Those still in need of a reason to develop a “social” strategy need look no further.

What should a company or service organization do to develop loyal, lasting relationships? Invest at least as much time listening as you do delivering a message to your market. In fact, ask the right two or three questions, listen closely, and your market will tell you exactly what it takes to move from contact to relationship.

And two things are apt to occur. You’ll likely end up revising the way you tell your story; and you’ll be driven to focus on the second part of the relationship equation – the customer / client experience.  That’s fodder for our next post.

The Thrill of the Chase vs. Drudgery of Dialogue

For many, the chase is simply easier than the work associated with building and nurturing lasting relationships. The chase offers variety, the thrill of an adrenaline rush, and - win or lose - it's off to the next pursuit. No working through misunderstandings and unrealized expectations.

No -- we're not talking about personal relationships -- any parallels notwithstanding. This is about business development.  And for some reason, many professional service organizations and providers invest disproportionate amounts of time and energy chasing prospects and irrestible "opportunities."

Disproportionate because, for the vast majority of consultants, lawyers, accountants and other service providers, the shortest path to revenue growth lies in meaningful conversations with existing clients.

This would seem to be of particular interest in today's marketplace -- where any growth is rare, and leveraging every investment is a must.

The math is simple. Deepening an existing client relationship is almost always a better investment than the costs -- hard and soft -- associated with the pursuit of a non-client target. Leverage an existing client relationship by a) broadening the services provided; and b) involving other team members, and not only are you on the road to increased revenue; you've also increased profitability.

Just in case I have to say it -- here goes: this is not a suggestion that we should not engage in the pursuit of new clients. It is to suggest to all of us leading business development efforts -- when we invest more in the pursuit of new opportunities than in the care and nurture of existing relationships, we may be victims of the thrill of the chase.

Relationships that endure and grow are the result of a calculated investment in the proactive art (and, yes - often drudgery) of dialogue.

(The same might be true in the personal relationship arena, as well!)

Communication That Cuts Through The Noise

One of the first questions that must be answered by advertisers, marketers and anyone wishing to communicate an idea in today's market is what does it take to rise above the noise and connect, as opposed to simply raising the decibel level.  And at the risk of being accused of gross oversimplification, I offer this proposition as fodder for a discussion.

At the risk of over simplifying, here's a proposition: The best way to avoid the creation of more noise and less communication is to know what to say and when to say it.

To further the discussion, here are four message creation and timing tenets.

1.  Effective communication begins with listening.  Great speech writers, award winning advertisers and marketers, and those that understand relationships (are there any?) practice listening first.  Call it research or focus groups or create a new label; but whatever the label, listen closely and your target will let you know exactly what it takes to connect.

2.  Drop preconceived notions.  Employ what you've learned.  Effective messaging is born of the knowledge gained while listening.  Your target has top-of-mind concerns.  Ignore them in the name of creativity (or whatever) and your message becomes part of the noise.  On the other hand, learn enough about these issues and concerns, you have the outline of a message that will connect.  (No comment on the personal relationship implication of this principle beyond observing that this works in virtually any relationship you care about.)

3.  Dialogue builds relationship; and relationship drowns out the noise.  Invest in dialogue and watch opportunities for real connection increase.  (If you doubt relationship can exist between marketer and target, consider the case of Apple and the growing i-Cult.)

4.  Less is almost always more.  In a marketplace dominated by big and loud and irrelevant, less will almost always preferable...if not more effective.  And that's my cue to be quiet, and listen.

Your thoughts?